work has finally stopped. hopefully, i wouldn't be suddenly assigned to some far off place as emergency help. and there's only a week of holidays left!!

somehow, even as i want to study harder, i realise that there will always be other mad people who will study harder and get better results. so i shall be contented, study-wise, to just try my best and accept fate, together with all those freak accidents where my expectations does not coincide with reality.

somehow, i just want to enjoy life more. not get so stressed up, just to enjoy company of good friends and family. spend less time worrying about how much money i've holed up, but to spend it within my means to make myself happy, and to make loved ones happy. *hmm*shredder?

and as usual, the one thing i always hope i could master, a better temper.

happy new yr!

the year's drawing to an end! one year has passed by so quickly i'm amazed. kinda zonked out from work, and yet, all too soon, school's starting again! well, that's life..

my mother actually has some siao-on colleagues who suggest going into JB for a one day trip tomorrow. hahaha, i might just oblige.

我的避风港，最能安慰我

results were out yesterday, and i will always feel blessed to know you waited 5 hours for me. just cause you knew i would be sad, just cause you wanted to make me smile and feel that little bit better.

and you did. you made me know i would always have you to share my sorrows, and i could always cry into your shoulder. the warmth of your hands suffused through my skin and touched my heart. and after a while, my tears were not cause of the results, but cause i was touched by your deep love for me.

i will rise above this catastrophe and strive hard. i shall appeal.

有了你，我心无他求

i hate her ways of doing things, bypassing informing me and yet expecting i'm ok. and try as i may to pretend i don't care, i am hurt that her son always seems more important.

vjc at 930am tomorrow.

it doesn't mean i'm less happy than she is. it's just that my story is currently still partially shrouded in secrecy. but why do i look at her photos and envy her?

there are times when i know i think too much, bothering myself with stupid questions of the past that has gone by, and the future which no one can tell. there are times when i just want to hear the simple words and feel the world in my pocket.

there are times when i feel like blogging, but even i don't know what i'm talking about.

看到街道上一对头发银白的夫妻手牵手，难免会向往拥有他们一样的幸福。仿佛可以感觉他们对彼此的了解，与那自然的情意。但我又会害怕以后的我会讨厌“老夫老妻”这字眼，嫌这样的爱情庸俗。

午夜梦回，只希望你心里的是我

had a crazy ktv session with the girls yesterday. headed down to katong for chicken rice and then proceeded to katong shopping complex for 4 hours of singing till 1.30am. because my mum joined us for about half an hour, we were suddenly inspired to sing oldies, those songs that accompanied us during the early 90s. haha so there was only one jay, two jolin, two s.h.e songs the whole night.. and in place of the usual songs we sang there were andy lau, theresa teng, grasshoppers!! hahaha can you believe it? had fun exchanging presents at the stroke of midnight, took us almost half an hour just drawing lots, nearly drove us all crazy lol.

merry xmas people! have fun and stay safe! =)

have you been missing me? i'm sorry.. been working my ass off. every night i reach home and i sleep. the next morning i wake super early and go off to work. all these, under a fierce mum and meagre pay. haha pathetic

and tomorrow, i'll have to reach a certain unknown secondary school at 630am. my life is driving me crazy..

thank god christmas is coming! take care you people! muacks

had a busy week with little sleep. went out everyday from monday to sunday. severe lack of sleep causing work to become a dread beyond the usual bore. haha

christmas present shopping this week! lalala.. so far the only christmas celebration planned is the one with the girls on the 23rd. was supposed to eat dinner, sing ktv, then head to leen's house for mahjong through the night. now leen says her house cannot, so we're just going to eat and sing, but at least we get to celebrate xmas together!! =)

it's been good having you back..

i said something yesterday that i regretted. i wish i could take it back, for i know the words stung.

i saw someone today who i treasure. i wish the day didn't have to end.

down with flu. sick!~!! blea. but had evan over for chicken rice dinner.. haha seeing her again on fri for the trio's birthday clecbrations.. but i am kind of hating work, cause it leaves me no choice but to meet only for dinner and then having to reach home considerably early for work the next morning.

be back soon!!

slacking during the weekends is extremely good for health, what with working from mon to fri 830am to 6pm.
but at least this coming week will be a happy one! meeting evan for dinner at my house tomorrow, girls on tues, qiuling on wed.. lalala!! thurs and fri should be happy days too! which means i eat only one day dinner at home!

the eh?! in my voice mailbox made me laugh, and wished that i was there...

how come nobody jio me go out ar?

i feel like i can't sit properly, can't sleep properly. haiz..

我什么都还没说，你已经知道
我一个表情，你全都明了
被相同的事物逗笑，拥有相同的嗜好
冲口而出同一句话，不约而同想到同一件事情
这就是我们之间的默契

i seldom do things that i regret. but each time i throw my temper, i regret almost immediately. and then i question why i couldn't just restrain myself from scolding vulgarities or showing a black face. the times i do, no one notices the effort it costs me. but the times i don't, people just want to remind me about how i've always been like that.

i guess you're right, you have a boorish and insolent sister.

took out an AHS 2000 yearbook and started flipping through it. realised how much we've all changed. from being allowed to have only short hair, and skirts that went past our knees, to varying length and colour of hair and attire today,we're no longer the little boys and girls captured in those photographs.

all i can say is, those were once the best days of my life, and they continue to form a beautiful part of my memory. i know the friendships made those years would stay with me throughout my life. and though the guileless hearts that went in through those gates are no longer, we've gained maturity and knowledge, both in mind and in heart.

exams are finally over!! but somehow i'm still waiting for the feeling of pure freedom to descend upon me..

met gen just now! had a talk which wasn't long enough!! i hate meeting my friends about once every 3 months!

it breaks my heart to hear the tremor in your voice..

even if i did my best to 97%, you still asks only for the 3%.

why does one paper still stand between me and my freedom? spent half the day lazing around and watching goong.. haha and so now i have to go catch up. lalala!!

FREEDOM!!! here i come!!! yay!!

月亮沉浸在太阳的光辉里，却感觉不到太阳的陪伴。因为当月亮要睡觉的时候，太阳才刚起床。即使有星星的陪伴，黑夜还是漫长的。月亮落寞了，日复一日的等候，它累了。

你不在.

drowned in fluids.. open book still feel like i am titanic, bound for the bottom of the sea.

materials balance was much better, though the parts with P* and whatever shit stumped me. and i thought an A was in the bag. cheyz

one more paper to go!! this entry is merely for the reference of some interested party. haha i don't usually rant about a paper that is over. i merely fret for the last one that lies ahead.

darling i love you!!! hee, just suddenly miss you alot on this rainy day when i have to mug. and since you have lately morphed into a pig, i can't sms you.. but i miss you so much!! muacks!!=p

aiyo.... why must there be exams near december? when everyone is aready in a holiday mood? and it doesn't help that the rain makes me sleepy.. and of course, the worst is that i haven't watched goong, and it is sitting temptingly in my laptop..

two papers tomorrow, kill me please.. i feel like i don't know much!

if someone were to blog 我爱你,不必人懂, wouldn't that be contradictory? is it possible for anybody to love somebody secretly, for a very long time?

i am so glad that this is the last sunday i will be mugging. yay!!

是什么东西渐渐磨蚀了我的热忱？circumstances beyond my control? or did i allow myself to be dragged so far along from what my heart tells me?

想说，爱上了一个人就不要怀疑，义无反顾勇敢地去爱。
但我也只有勇气对别人说，没勇气自己相信并实践。

太多如果万一或许，模糊了我们每个人对爱情的信心。

i am only panicking now, in the 3rd week of my exams. i have absolutely no idea how am i going to study for the next 3 papers. so much needs to be studied, and so little time. yet, i'm blogging more than anyone else. haha..

i wanna scream!

the entry that i love most, is one in chinese. and which nobody knows about. except two. hee=)

it's so nice to stick my hand out, and feel yours.

i think an A for urban is possible only if all the people who left early didn't write much. haha the first paper i had so far, out of 4 that is so open-ended and so tips-less. haha but i have 3 papers to study for over the weekend. die la..

a rainy day today, wouldn't it be nice to wake up to a loving hug?

i love my desktop wallpaper!

wondering if can get A for urban paper later...

我竟然难过得想哭
但睡了一觉之后，发现只不过是胡思乱想, which proves that sleep is a good anti-depressant. haha
bio paper finally down! yay! but urban paper tomorrow, and i'm still dreaming!

touched by evan's sms.. i miss you too girl!

however hard exams are, however tough school life is, i will hereafter never vent on my dad. my long-suffering, under-appreciated dad.. i must be a good daughter!

Barring exams, 我的世界是美好的 =)

on a less important note, i think the computing paper sucked, without the tips, we'd have died horribly.

she said she's now a crybaby. i'm one too.
she knows my innermost feelings. i know her deep dark secrets. and we're both sworn to silence. haha
off to the same destination but for different purposes and duration(thank god!)
ultimately wishing the same thing

i said 5 words twice, never said them before. will not forget i said them anytime soon.

pull me close and hug me tight. i want to bury my head in your shoulder, and inhale deeply your reassuring presence. is this what evan is feeling?=) cheer up my girl, i'm here for you!

computing,bio,urban. all of which requires memorising. and there's no time to pack my brain with knowledge fast! oh no!

摸索当中...

开心，因为在你身边
感动，因为感受到你的真心
眷恋，因为还想依偎你怀里
思念，因为你不在

when i miss you so much now, i just think back to all the happy times we had. the times you held your hand out for mine,the times you held me tight and kissed me. the times we hug together to sleep. the times we walked from dhoby ghaut to orchard, the pasar malam. the times you called me darling. i missed the hongkong trip too.

saw the same sights, breathed the same air, experienced the same things. 一种感动

when i miss you so much now, i just think back to all the unhappy times. the quarrels we had due to my oversensitivity. the times you look so sad when i had to go home. the times when i felt estranged from you in school.

the good and the bad made us what we are now. perhaps i'd have traded in the bad for more good. but then, those bad times made our love stronger.

it feels so right to be yours.

restless, cant sit still long enough to concentrate. wishing once again, to have all my papers over and done fast. when i know i would die if i am not given time to revise. haha and sometimes i feel like i'm studying these for the first time, and not as if i'm revising what i already know.

i can fall asleep almost immediately once i lie down on my bed, with my own familiar smell. haha but i need something else to comfort me,while i study.

where's my knight in shining armour? is it that he's still sleeping, and i have to do a modern-day kiss-to-wake-the-lover kind of thing? lol=p

sometimes i feel old before my time. wondering if i would view love differently if i had held out longer, and not enter a relationship back then. maybe i would still harbour hopes and dreams of one love for one lifetime. maybe i would not sound so skeptical.

but that's only a possibility.. and anyway, i cant go back in time.

petty? yes i think so too myself.. but the same reasons don't apply anymore. and i don't want to find alternative reasons to rationalise.

i miss the girls! and i agree with evan, that we are no longer as innocent as we once were.

i wonder if i could stop feeling a tinge of sorrow in my happiness. pure bliss-without a sneaking suspicion that it'll end soon, has it already eluded me?

i lack spontaneity in my life. pathetic

if i switched off my handphone, and you cant find me. you deserved it.

a stark contrast. http://minghui.livejournal.com

comparative society paper down, 6 more to go. grr. the paper was easy, which means more people have chances of getting A, which means i may not. so depressing.

3 papers next week. in a dreadful mood. one thing at a time, slowly i shall finish everything.

i feel vulnerable.

男主角从家门前转角消失的那一刻，女主角心里只回荡着一句话。早前，他问她，你到底有没有想我的？女主角顿时结舌，原来他一点儿也感受不到她深切的思念，与迫切想要见到他的欲望。

但女主角心里有愧，知道自己心里的想念并未以行动表现出来。或许是太久没见面了，抑或是自己刻意疏远了。总之，她觉得他的拥抱不像以往那样令她感动。虽然说，她身上遗留着他淡淡的肥皂味，但她心里并没有烙印着他的体温。

女主角心里不曾如此不踏实。她觉得自己在男主角眼里一直是个勉强合格的50分，只不过充其数罢了。她却希望成为他心目中的100分，于是她尽心尽力悄悄的付出，希望以一点一滴填满自己的不足。但她心里发出的讯息，他好似接收不到。仿佛即使男主角抱得再紧，似乎还是有某些情意从隙缝里溜了出去。仿佛他怀里的位置不属于她。

男主角从女主角家门前转角消失的那一刻，心里忍不住绞痛。他觉察到在拥抱她的时候，她努力压抑的伤心，让他好心疼。男主角不知不觉的走到街灯下，无意间惊见自己的影子。仿佛在嘲笑他行只独影的寂寞，仿佛凸显女主角不在他身旁的落寞。他霎那间有股冲动，想跑回去拥抱女主角，久久不放开。告诉她，他不想再爱上其他任何她了。

男主角心里不曾如此不踏实。他觉得女主角似乎渐渐离他远了。无论怎么紧紧相拥，十指紧扣，她还是一点点一点点地从指缝里溜走。仿佛她心里的位置不属于他。

深夜的空气承载着许多沉重的情感.而在导演喊CUT!之后,每个人都依然感受到那悠悠的伤感.

喜欢一个男人的执著，爱上了就不后悔，不怀疑。

喜欢一个男人眼里不经意流露出的温柔，让我感觉世上所有幸福只属于我。

喜欢一个男人的眼泪，每一颗都让我心疼。

喜欢一个男人小男孩的表情，感觉在我面前的他好真实。

喜欢一个男人的真心，让我知道我已100%占有他的心。

我的心开始想你了。

oh no! i did a stupid thing and now i'm worried i will become a fraud victim!!! howhowhow!!?!!!???!

sian diao.

what kind of stupid government increases GST to 7%?

i have this urge to rant and rant about anything and everything, but most of all, i just want the freedom to type whatever i want, without having to worry about who and who will read it.

grrr. what's the point of a blog, if things i type can only be saved as drafts? then i get so irritated that i don't even draft.

i want write complain letter to the dean! where got siaokia give assignment that is so tough, and when it's exam time? i don't care if got geniuses or time-management pros can finish the assignment and still get As for exams. i cannot leh, cannot ar?! grr. stupid ntu. stupid prof.

i've been isolated from human contact for 4 days already. no one except my family has seen me. haha

ikea tampines opens 30th november!

the most awkward question to ever be asked, what do you think it will be?

to me, that question has to be: of all the guys you were in a relationship with, who was the most memorable one?

how could i possibly answer that? if you once put in your whole heart into making a relationship work, you would know that every relationship was memorable in its own way. the first kiss, the happy times together, the quarrels, the break up, the tears. no two relationships can ever be the same, so there isn't really a basis for comparison.

and so there is never going to be an answer. unless i'm married, and then i'll tell you. that the most memorable one is the relationship with my husband. cause every day, our memories are still being written together.

there are things you thought you learnt from the last time round. but a similar situation arises, and you realise you haven't actually become smarter or more cautious. you still fall into the same circumstances, you still feel as terrible. and after this time, you tell yourself you'll never b caught in this again. but wasn't that what you told yourself the first time it happened?

there are some people who i would love to have by my side right now. so that i can hug them, talk to them non-stop and just put an end to my missing them.

exams are such a torture, agree? (aye, says the whole world in unison..=p)

i want to enjoy my holidays but also work! how?

there are so many things i would like to shout out loud. like how i'm stressed over the exams, like how i feel fat.

brrrr.. i hate school.

some times, you inadvertently look back and realise you can't really tell for sure how some things came to be like that, when they started. some times you can't even tell how and when it ended.

and so it seems like we are ambling along in life without really paying attention to anything or anyone.

20 days to freedom!

the last day of the semester! thank god everything is finally coming to an end. i hate thursdays, with my two most detested and feared subjects lined up one after another.

tips, tips and tips. really useful not?

i bought a nice pooh plastic calendar mat to put on my table for next year. happy! and ate quite a huge amount of nice food these few days. so well, i must say i'm quite ready to give my best for exams!

lalalala=) nitez ppl!

oh god, mathematica and c programming AGAIN. vulgar words are not enough. and spewing vulgarities will only make my blood pressure shoot through the roof.

i'll be so glad (understatement,obviously!) when i don't have to take this course anymore.=)

one more test to go.. yay!

nothing else to blog le.. haha bye!

boring day. absolutely nothing happened.

and my dad told me to feel free to go out this sat and sun, cause he's not going to be at home. but the timing clashes with exams that are round the corner. grr

million dollar question: will the photo on the right make it to the photo on the left?

执子之手，与子皆老.. (i'm not too sure whether i wrote the saying correctly) but isn't this what we all hope for? it's captured here in my parents walking down the walkway of the temple. 21 years of marriage this 21st of november. it hasn't been easy, just have to witness their shouting matches in the morning, or difference of opinions at the dinner table, and you'll know. but they know they will always be there for each other, and be each other's support in times of need.

people might look for romance that sweeps us off our feet. but without trust, honesty, a strong foundation and understanding, the romance will only be short-lived. love that is strong will not be eroded by time, or any change in circumstances.

love means never having to say a thing, you will just know.

bought a top and skirt! but i didn't manage to get the dress i wanted! but at least, i've finally broken my streak of not being able to buy anything when out window shopping! =)

after this semester, it seems there will be less people in school. evan and mindan are going to study overseas next semester. which leaves only joyce, me, qiuling 3 ahscds girls in school. sad.

weeinn's birthday tomorrow! and i have no lessons tomorrow. haha yay! but two tests. oh btw, i think yesterday's test was a goner. but oh well. no regrets.

abit random in my entry today, but it's a sunday!

假装若无其事

isolation

my dad stepped into my room, reminding me to eat fruits. and then he said, 28 years ago, his dad passed away. 13/09 on the chinese calendar. a young man of 23 rushed home to see his father one last time, and his final memory of his dad was him drawing his final breath when he saw all his children had reached home.

i don't know what to say to my dad, a man i respect so much for all that he has gone through, and for all that he has done. i can only wish him a long life so that i may somehow make it up to him, give him the comfort he never used to have.

and so i told him, 老爸，你要等到我给你生孙子你才能死 hor?

when what i hoped was that i would never lose him.

mindlessly reading, not absorbing. grr.

beginning the slow descent to hell. 12 more days.

dont recall taking any photos in school during lesson time, or even breaks. maybe cause i know i won't be able to smile.

haha just the pre-exam stressful blues!

不想人前一个人，人后另一个人. 听见了吗？听懂吗？

leaving the school compound felt like such a sweet release. and it's less than 2 weeks to exams. how can it possibly be? i feel like i've not studied enough, cause there are still so much i don't know!

多想化成隐性的人，隐藏我伤痕

i repeat. i hate mathematica, and fluids. and i'm much better slacking at home than wasting my time on these two subjects that doesn't interest me, nor enrich me.

if every rainy day there can be a warm hug, life would be good. rainy days and warm hugs- what a wonderful combination!=)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!! haha happy that his friends managed to surprise him, so that he'll have to remember this birthday by, not just fever and a migraine=)=)=)

the week feels too long already.

can i concede defeat without even stepping into the battlefield? but that will be letting myself down..=

i miss these girls so..

must i have all my thoughts in plain view for people to know?

hong's birthday today.. happy birthday girl!! =D bro's birthday tomorrow, but it's a pity i won't be at home to celebrate with him..hope his migraine stays away..!

i'm down with the flu. and i sincerely think that my body knows i'm having tests and exams soon, and so my immune system chaogeng. grr i have claimed ownership of the new box of tissue. sniff*

i sometimes look at my display pic and hate it for not being the pic i would have liked it to be.

my bro is having a killer headache, and i'm trying to finish my reading.. but nothing feels more comfortable than us talking in my room.. i'm blessed to have such a wonderful brother! hope his headache goes away!

my mum is mad.. haha i'm still touxiao-ing..

facial auntie says my face very dry, must moisturise.. but she also says that i seem to be thinner. haha

i wouldn't be who i am without all of my darling girls.. i'll always treasure you!=D

i opened a drawer, and wondered why i have an empty puzzle box.

so i opened another drawer, and took out some things to fill up the puzzle box. i held each article that once meant so much in my hand, read each and every line in the many letters and cards you wrote, remembered how we started, as well as how we ended.

in those words, i saw your conviction. i know now as i did then that you would try to fulfill all your promises to me, you would try with all your heart. but i was the weak one, the one who chose to let go, the one who stopped believing.

i moved on, but remained awkward with any mentioning of our past. until now. i've finally let go of all the guilt towards you. and now i can only ask one last thing of you. please forget all the promises you made to me, except one. the one where you promised to work hard. forget all the promises, and find yourself a more deserving girl, a girl who believes in you more than i did.

after everything, i just want to say thank you. for i once believed we loved so deeply.

how did things come to this? i feel like crying. is it my fault? there seems no way of resolving this issue.

playing poker is like playing mind games. and i'm tired.

is silence better? or is talking about trivial things to cover the silence better?

i threw some stuff out. and i feel much better.

one said i was the best thing that ever happened to him. another said i was the best thing that happened to him in 2005.

of all the reasons why two people are together, would you expect to hear "cause we're happy together"? it sounds kind of inferior to "cause i'm attracted to your cheerful personality",or "cause you look so beautiful",doesn't it?

but when time goes by, and you slowly forget why you fell in love, maybe being happy together is the only thing that matters. it will perhaps even be the most enduring reason of love.

the three of us went to the arcade yesterday, and they each won a winnie-the-pooh thing, you know the thing that keeps nodding its head? haha i don't know what's that thing called la.. but sharon was luckier, she won it with only $2. lol=p

ate a not very nice dinner (makansutra cheat me!) but dessert was nice=)

alone at home today, with no intention of doing anything again. how can i be made to strive for exams? haha

i cant believe that you really mean it. hmm

well, i do know my blog entries have adapted a depressing tone, but i'm fine, really! =)

i shall push whatever rubbish i'm thinking that is unrelated to tests & mathematica to the back of my mind. it is already cramped enough as it is. i shall make myself devoid of feelings for the time being. whatever has to be solved shall wait till after exams. and if it can't wait, too bad.

an uneventful day, where the rain washed away the haze and returned us the clear skies. i wished so much to see a friendly familiar face today, and i was glad joyce attended lecture. a cold day that somehow made me doubt.

a little kitten crawled into my house today, a scene that reminded me of why i was am scared of cats.. i screamed my head off and stood on the sofa again.. haha..

i thought he was quite a nice person, but maybe that isn't the case after all.. or maybe i inferred wrongly. but anyway i can't pass comments, since it is his blog, and he is indeed free to write anything he wants.

p.s always remember that the web is an open space, and never badmouth or give people nicknames.

the absolute tone of your words rings loudly in my heart, and suddenly my mind flashed back to the night of the sms.

the cheerfulness was overshadowed by the words that were hanging in the air.

i miss qiuling and gen.. =(

daddy's birthday today!! but i haven't seen him the whole day!

i must say, i was shocked that you told me the brutal truth, your honest viewpoint. i know the truth is hard to stomach, and a lie will cause more harm. but sometimes i hope to be deceived and remain ignorantly optimistic.. well, i am still glad that you didn't choose to lie. thanks

who doesn't wish that their own relationship can withstand all trials and tribulations? that their love is strong, cause it has a strong foundation, and not cause the other half is simply around? who wants to believe, even if it may be true, that the saying 'out of sight, out of mind' is true? yes i know things can change, but which girl doesn't hope to be the one that can anchor a guy's heart down? who would want to put in effort to maintain a relationship if absence will simply erase away all the love and affection?

i don't really know what to believe anymore. one part of me feels like i should hold on to a relationship steadfastly, the other part wonders, what for? it's all going to end in a heartbreak, cause love isnt enough.

on a happier note, i ate rochor beancurd yesterday night! =D and was a loving sister.. lol

yay! i'm happy cause you're happy! stay happy! =D

muahaha.. i wont stalk you, but i'll be doing the same thing tomorrow!wahaha

yes i know i have a short fuse, yes i know i have a bad temper. but hey! i'm trying to get it under control alright? so stop trying to make me blow my top. thank you.

i feel like putting ql's blog entry footer today.. haiz.. the sms last night made me uncertain..

a question i asked, and which you asked me back, has its answers in my unpublished draft no. 9

the ring is still the same one, my finger hasnt grown fatter. but somehow the ring no longer fits.

there are times when you feel that even if enough time has gone by, it'll never be the same again.

finally met up with the girls today, to celebrate the 3 birthdays that are round the corner. had sakae, but wasn't too keen on food today so ate only a few plates, wonder why. went to my grandma's house to sign a document, but i felt so out of place there. the buzz seems not to have anything to do with me at all. well, all in all, a peaceful day..

dad's and bro's birthdays are coming too, wonder what i should get for them...

when you say you miss someone, do you miss the company of that person, or you just miss the physical presence of that person beside you?

some times i don't hear the words you are saying right next to me, cause the words reverberating loudly in my heart blocks out everything. and so i want to run home, to seclude myself from the world, so that i may try to think clearly.

there can only be one of me, and it'll always never be enough.. i cant do this anymore, each time it gets harder, and eventually i will only withdraw into my shell and nothing good can come out of this..

sometimes when things happen, you feel you won't ever forget.. but time passes, and one day you struggle to remember..

it's a funny thing when you see someone struggle to introduce you, but it also makes you wonder what the hell were you doing there in the first place.. cause the ability to laugh at myself is so critical in masking my true feelings, i must never lose this ability..

my brother's words stung.. they make me feel that the effort i put in i put in was not recognised. maybe the effort i put in was not what he hoped to see, but i tried, under circumstances i cant go around complaining about.. it makes me feel like i'm being torn, and there's no one who will notice..i cant choose, and i don't want to..

sometimes you look back and wonder if there's been too much sensationalising..

i heard a song that reminded me of you over the radio the other day, and it brought back bittersweet memories.. but i'm surprised at how little i felt..

even if you could only refer to me openly for only one minute, i wouldn't mind. for i know the spot i own.

久未放晴 的天空
依旧留着你的笑容
哭过却无法掩埋歉疚
风筝在阴天搁浅
想念还在等待救援
我拉着线复习你给的温柔
曝晒在一旁的寂寞
笑我给不起承诺
怎麽会怎麽会你竟原谅了我
我只能永远读着对白
读着我给你的伤害
我原谅不了我就请你当作我已不在
我睁开双眼看着空白
忘记你对我的期待
读完了依赖我很快就离开

suddenly feel like putting this song on repeat.. a long week ahead..

in the elusive search for happiness, how did nobody find what they were looking for?

worried sick.

i fear i'm losing you.. i fear you'll never be the same you.. i fear you will never smile again..

oh god.. how could i bear you becoming like that?

it pains me to see your broken spirit. please...

i don't ever want to play angels for you.

i always feel i ain't a good enough girlfriend, i always seem to be unable to take my own stand when you need me. i always cause you to be unable to sleep at night, cause you're thinking of me, whereas i sleep like a pig no matter what. i shouldn't be so fortunate to be your girlfriend. till now, i still think you are mad to think that my boyfriend is a lucky guy.

yesterday, when you hugged me and said you are so happy you have me, i felt so touched. cause i didn't do anything, and yet you feel happy. then when i saw you standing at the corner of my house, watching me walk into my house, i felt i let you down. i can't find the courage to ask my parents. and so i made you sad.

i don't know how to comfort you. the only way i could, was to be by your side. and yet last night, i couldn't even do that. i feel so useless as your girlfriend.

i worry so much about you, but i never do anything to care for you. what kind of girlfriend am i?!

darling, please cheer up! cause i don't want you to be unhappy. and if you are unhappy, then i won't be happy too, cause i will feel useless. darling, don't despair or give up ok? i love you, no matter what! muack!

please smile, for me...

i think all cbe students are going to suffer from depression, it's only a matter of time. except of course, those certified muggers, who seem not to require any time to slack. haha

i feel like in your time of need, i abandoned you. and i feel lousy.

lalala.. i don't want to fall in love again.. i think school is enough to keep me busy. a new relationship would flood me instantly.

lalala.. tomorrow got thermodynamics 35% test. and i'm still dreaming.. hahaha

lalala.. i want watch movie tomorrow, but must study for yet another test..hohoho

lalala.. friday i'm going out to buy presents..

it's the little things that matter.. i don't have to say much, you don't either.. we just know that we care for each other.

简简单单=) thanks for being here!

i went ikea today!! cheered up a little =) but tests are still un-studied for. haha

i don't know what else to blog.. hmm

during computing today, i suddenly found myself filled with a deep sense of regret. i don't even know if regret is the word to describe the feeling. i just felt so 可惜 that the timing of things were so wrong. if you had held out longer, if i had broken up earlier, perhaps things wouldn't be what they are today. perhaps the 4 of us would still be happily attending lectures together. perhaps we didn't have to be so underground. all the things and people may be in their right places now, but i just somehow feel that if things had happened a little later, our happiness today would be more complete. i mind not being able to admit i'm your girlfriend. i mind having to deliberately deny our relationship. i mind having to dodge and hide, before being able to touch you. but i know that i made this decision together with you, for the reason of not wanting to lose another friend. but i feel unfairly treated sometimes. especially when you do something like kicking me, something that you wouldn't do to another girl, but you find ok to do to me. why is it so? i feel like i should learn to draw a boundary between you, my boyfriend, and you, my classmate. haiz..

i stared into the mirror after bathing and finally acknowledged something. i didn't break up cause of having a big fight. i broke up cause i was tired of being responsible for some one else's life. and because my heart no longer belonged only to the one whose hand i was holding.

but cause i could never admit that to anyone, i can never tell him how sorry i am.

killer back pain, wondering if the screw on my back brace is loosening.

tests and reports. an evil cycle. if happiness is proportional to agony, then at least all this shit will be worthwhile. but it seems agony lasts longer than happiness. ain't it?

sometimes cant help but wonder how come my life revolves around studying. such an insignificant thing. haha

i feel ridiculous for not sleeping the whole of last night.. just for a lab report.

especially when the deadline was extended to tomorrow. tmd.

long and arduous journey ahead. who says things would be easy?

what kind of course did i enrol myself in? that keeps me awake at this goddamn hour, with an unfinished report, and an aching back?

tears. my recent good friends

the feeling comes and goes.. and if i'm not wrong, it goes most of the time.. what will happen when the feeling is gone forever?

another feeling that should appear more often, and in fact be felt 24/7 is not here.. i begin to wonder scary questions.. what if what if..

there's nth i cant blog now i guess.. but it'll probably be understood only by me. don't come to ask me questions.. please. thank you.

should be worried..the thing is happening again.. but i am sounding happy when i should be worried. i am worried. just using the tense laughter to mask my worry.

i cannot be comforted. things seem so wrong

why i feel like i'm in a swamp, everything feels so yucky and seems so murky.. maybe not swamp, is shit hole. hahaha

lab report due tomorrow, and i've no idea how to do it! lab report due friday, thermody test on sat, bio test on mon! these morons with PhD think i so pro ar? kee siao

the alternating waves of tests and work is threatening to drown me.. and i have somehow lost faith, in myself.

i don't want to sink into depression! save me someone!

can't believe it that it is only 2 more months to holidays.. will i last that long?

now i cant hide my vulnerability liao...

oh me oh my.. the haze is draining everybody's energy.. how to work under such a disgusting environment?

a happy week? lol=p

from ages ago, i already knew that i was one who thinks too overly much. but then these thoughts never manifest themselves. i was always the one who could chide friends for thinking too much.

but now it isn't like that. how many people have asked me to try to relax, not be so stressed, and don't think so much?

am i becoming weaker? or just more more incapable of hiding my vulnerability these days?

hmm. computing test at 530pm on a friday.

i remember a silly thing you did to make me smile.. we danced around holding hands, like the happy Chip & Dale in your display pic=p

one question is bugging me- should i S/U comparative societies and urban not?!

some days, i lose faith and courage, and just want to run away from everything and everyone.
some days, i strongly believe that the light at the end of the tunnel will emerge soon.

even though school sucks, i dread the day when i become one of the rat pack, working mondays-fridays for the rest of my life. unbelievable.

i need a hero.

did anyone miss me for not blogging? haha i am up to my neck in work!! killing myself soon with weird mood swings.. and i detest mathematica!

have you ever poised your pen over paper, only to be stuck with no words? have you ever been flooded by your thoughts, but when you open your mouth, you cant find the words?

am specially touched by ql!! haha hugs my girl!! =D

sometimes i feel like i don't fit into this world.

the shouts i let out made me feel better, but i scared my family. sorry.

i was taking care of a part of me, so ur thank you was not needed..

i fought for ur apple rights!!

i want whine! i hate mathematica!!!!! hide in a blanket and don't come out..

today is a maroon 5 morning.. don't know how to describe, just felt that listening to songs about jane makes me feel better.

last day of the recess week, desperately cramming all that i should have done into these last 3 days. somehow, i still don't feel recharged. wonder why.. haha

经一事，长一智。 曾经措手失去的，现应更懂珍惜。

wahlao i miss u la!! grrr.. hug u tight when i see u! hahaha

which moron would wake up at 5.36am to gaze at her handphone and be disappointed at having no missed calls or new messages?

when i hung up, i felt goosebumps rising all over my arm. was it that i was kept warm by the voice over the phone? or was it just cause in returning the phone to its cradle, my hand slipped out into the cold air?

after a night's rest, the world doesn't seem so daunting. though tutorials and mathematica remain so. =p

life is kinda bullshit sometimes. and for the remainder of the time, it is bullshit.

sometimes i feel miserable, and just want the comfort of somebody, anyone, to tell me that things will be alright. but either there is no such person, or the person doesn't have the words to comfort me. and sometimes i don't want to hear words, especially when i already know what words can be said. it's just the usual hang in there, cheer up. sometimes they ring hollow more than providing comfort. and then cause people glimpsed my panic, know i'm clutching at straws, and are worried, i feel obliged to smile and tell them, don't worry, i'm strong and i'll be ok. when i'm not. when all i want is to hide cowardly in my blanket and wait for a warm hand to give me courage to face this scary world. sometimes running away for a short while is my only redemption, the only way i can continue moving forward. as i grow up, i fear the adult world more than i look forward to it. cause i would be forced to be strong, to be independent. and i once thought i could. but now i realise my vulnerability. and i can't help it. i don't know how to cover it up, my vulnerability is exposed, out in the open. and it scares me that i cant hide my vulnerability in a world where i'm supposed to be tough. i don't want to always feel affected by some things.

sometimes i hear people say that i should study hard, then i can do what i want. and i think to myself, bullshit. i would always be doing something for money, to pay the bills, to pay off the mortgage, to pay off the loan i took from my parents, monetray and otherwise. i would never have time to myself, not even till the day i die. cause unless i strike it rich, like Bill Gates rich, otherwise i'm destined to be a working class slave, working to feed myself, not for a dream. living cause i don't have the courage to die. no matter how we imagine we will lead a better life than what we are leading now, we can't really expect to all be living a jetsetting lifestyle, cute kids, good pay, good life.

i no longer know what i want. i don't even want a stable job. i want my family to be safe and happy. but it's not really in my powers to make them so. i want to be with my darling, living together in a home of our own, but reality would always mean it ain't going to be as wonderful as i imagined. i want my children to be healthy, happy, preferably intelligent. but again, who am i to decide.

bullshit. don't tell me life is in my control.

i am in a hols-are-ending-so-is-my-life kinda mood. feels like i didn't do anything much. didn't managed to meet the girls. didn't shop. just entirely slacking. hmm feel unproductive, and lamenting lost time.

but oh well.. just make use of the little time left! =)

红绿灯前的拥抱，让我不想放开手。你胸口前，我找到了我的归属。

wasn't i supposed to be studying this holidays? how come i've spent a grand total of one day eating dinner at home? oh no!! time's running out! my to-do list still has many unchecked items!

i want to be more like me, less like her.

蛋糕店没有开！

an entry too late, but nevermind, i just want to whine. even if only two people know what i'm talking about. haha

i got an epiphany today, and wondered if the pace of life is related to the pace you walk. it seems the elderly are more capable of enjoying sights and sounds, whereas people in their prime cant. due to work, due to stress, or perhaps just due to their being unable to take a leisurely stroll and calm down just enough to enjoy the scenery around.

maybe it's true. if in the morning you rush to work, you wouldn't realise how nice the flowers seem to greet the sun with their smiling faces. but if at the end of the day, you are able to go for a ten-minute walk around the park, you are more likely to realise the fragrance of the flowers.

life is short, we shouldn't spend too much of it absorbed in our own work. indulging in nature, in time alone, in time with friends, that is the only true way of enjoying life.

爱情的主观是容不下一丝客观的。

纵使你周围的人都好心劝你不要越陷越深，执迷不悟，但你还是会忠言逆耳一意孤行。

是不是爱情蒙蔽了双眼？是不是沐浴在爱河里的人都会失去理智？ 那爱情岂不是好可怕的东西？

it seems like i've watched too many films to think that dogs only understand english. heard an auntie command a dog in hokkien and i chuckled to myself. haha

my dinner companions last night.. haha not my fault my face appeared twice, the 3 of us didn't take any group photos together!!

and i am going bald la! help me someone!

desserts consumed last night in a fattening but happy night out!solid gold, big apple,jedi mudster @ nydc! glad after so long, we still are good friends=D

sometimes i say things without really thinking, and in the moment the words are out, i somehow know they are true. it has happened once before, in a conversation i had with gen. it happened again last night.

half the semester has passed, it's just too fast!! i keep imagining that i will get lousy results for my core modules, so i'm reluctant to S/U my electives. haha what kind of studying am i doing sia? electives more hopeful than core? lol=p

i'm missing my girls!!

why do i love you with all my heart? i love you for all the big and small things you've done for me. who else would buy me food when i said i'm hungry, at 9pm, a time when you would have said is late.

don't curse yourself, dun say jokingly, i die le then what would happen to you? cause my heart would skip a beat, and start to dread that day. the day i would need the support of all my darlings, just to keep me going.

pensive tonight, must be due to the test! haha hence the unusual amount of entries! =p dun worry tmr i'm gd as new=)

why am i so suay to have a test tomorrow? otherwise i could have been out watching a movie or doing something fun. wahlao.. i hate test la.. scold vulgarities..

i got a feeling i cant meet any of my dear girls this break, due to the whole shitload of work piling up. grrr..

a page i like, it reminds us of the beauitful things we love =)
http://revealyourlove.blogspot.com/

the picture on my desk reminds me of happier times, which i shall try to re-create. =)

on a less cheerful note, i ain't communicating effectively with fluids.

in your love, i feel safe. you are my shoulder to lean on, my listening ear, my rock in instability. a longing to stay together through thin and thick.

in your love, i feel blessed. an understanding and honest boyfriend, whose only wish is for me to be happy, whose everything is me. wanting to smile everyday, do some little thing, just to light up your day, to show you how much i love you too.

i feel a part of me wanting to be better, just for you. but yet i end up causing unhappiness for us. i'm sorry baby..

wahlao, parents pangseh me for dinner. then walk from south to north spine, the lift suddenly keesiao "please exit when the lift door opens". then i had to climb 4 flights of stairs, which is actually 5. and got siao beng on the road.

how did i become like that? how could it be that the past is better than the present?

tmd, lots to say that cant be published.

it's always been me, making a fuss, causing unhappiness. even though i don't want to, even though i want to multiply all the good and wonderful moments. but i can't help myself sometimes when i can't say the things i feel. the emotional overload should be mine to bear, especially when usually i'm just pissed for a short period of time. things that don't matter in the long run shouldn't be said, to hang in the air, to echo in hearts, isn't it so?

i promised, and yet i broke them. no wonder you feel insecure.

你说我像一个小孩 总爱让你猜
我说你才像个小孩 总要我说才明白
有些事太快失去了等待 让爱没了期待
我们的爱怎么才自然
每次沟通不来就要离开就说不要爱

想在你的怀里依偎，享受你的体温，呼吸你的气息。想要你所有目光都注射在我身上，让我成为你眼里的唯一。

人不是应该往好的方面改进？ 为何以前那个我，你却说比较好？

when people say it hurts to love, what do they do?

one down two to go, well, at least the break's finally within sight. haha but the sheer amount of work will definitely kill me.

i believe it is more important that you try your best, after all, the results cant always be controlled by you.

what i want constantly clashes with my rational mind. and my logic always wins.

hope this weather continues to hold during the mid-sem break. it's a sin to waste this good weather, we should all be in bed sleeping, and not have to wake up early. haha

fluids die la.

looking at what happens to friends around, we thought we glimpse some lessons. but things ain't so simple. only when you are in the same position, that you realise either decision is painful. you can only make a decision and pray that on retrospect, you made the best possible decision.

there are some things in life which we thought we could hold on to forever, but sometimes it isn't possible. sometimes it may be that holding on hurts more than letting go or giving up.

make choices and don't look back. cruel as it sounds, it's at least better than going back and forth on a decision and tormenting all.

affairs of the heart are never easy.

messages in the middle of the night make me smile, and comfort me with the knowledge that while i sleep, i'm being loved. =)

in a world of instability, i need a rock.

半夜想一个人时，是否只能把抱枕抱得更紧一点？但往往仍然辗转反侧一直到天亮。

3 tests next week. pray for me. haha

had a surprise birthday celebration today! my hunch about a conspiracy was right! haha =p

super touched that even though all of us are busy with school and barely have time to meet or talk properly, these lovely CDS girls went to much trouble to sing a birthday song at 830pm outside my lecture theatre, complete with a nice mango cake! cheered me up after such a long day, such a sweet and touching surprise=)

thanks all my dear girls!! had quite many surprises this 20th birthday =) and i enjoyed my birthday, because i had such fun! thanks thanks and thanks! =D

forgot to mention i had my first ma la steamboat yesterday, and realised i cannot take that kind of spiciness. will lips swell like sausages. hahaha =p

in school on a wednesday with 5 hours break, and for the first 3 i've not completed anything. damn it.

heartfelt thanks to all those who smsed me to wish me happy birthday! especially some unexpected friends! =) all of you made my day!

thank god the two tests are easy, or my week would have been ruined. haha hope the rest of the week is equally enjoyable, for me and for you people=)

let's continue to jiayou!

sleepy. seh. just want to concuss and pass out on the bed. haha

我陪你走到最后
能不能不要回头
你紧紧地抱住我
说你不需要承诺
你说我若一个人会比较自由
我不懂你说什么
反正不会松手

i like this song!

first monday so far without the blues. and to think i have a test today, and tomorrow. unbelievable.

but i guess this is all due to all my wonderful friends who constantly root for me and make me feel loved. thanks all my darlings! =) i'll hang on till the mid-semester break at least. =p

take good care evan, don't think so much. jiayou all my dear old friends!! =)

p.s i smell a conspiracy

i used to anticipate birthdays, with my birthday week crammed with all the celebrations with all my different groups of friends.

but now this ain't the case. i view growing a year older with mixed feelings. i wish there were beautiful memories to remember each birthday by, but frankly, i cant really remember. i wish there will be special plans and surprises, but really, i think i would be too tired to enjoy them. i wish i could have a day to myself, but i fear i don't want time alone when i get it.

people don't ask what my birthday wish is, they ask me what birthday present i want. truth is, i don't know the answer to both.

(seems like a sad post ya? but it isn't) just slightly stressed for the tests=)

just because a person doesn't show you love in the way you hope he/she would, doesn't mean that person doesn't love you.

everyone has an 'ability' to hurt, and most of the time, the most pain is caused by unintentional words or actions.

i should start learning how to love better.

had a happy day, but somehow i was still disappointed. with you. for not being here.

felt a little more mature today. mum went to get a chalet with the main purpose of celebrating my birthday. but due to myself having tests in the following days, and assuming everybody is really quite up to their neck in work, i told her i won't be asking any friends. so the chalet became sort of my brother's. he called his secondary school friends, whom i also know.

this morning after sleeping a meagre 5 hours, i went to the chalet with a totally peaceful and calm mood. i didn't expect to do anything else except to study a bit and do some homework. i wasn't bothered about being left on my lonesome when my brother and his friends were out having fun.

and what happened in the afternoon cheered me up totally! i took a nap, and on waking up my mother told me that she asked hong and yinjie to come to the chalet. and i was surprised. cause i supposed to contact them was quite an effort. and then i saw my brother making a phone call on the porch. i felt really touched that my mother and my brother went to such efforts to create a surprise, but they're lousy at keeping a secret, which made me laugh at their cuteness.

and then i was even happier to see hong and yinjie appear! it wasn't confirmed they were coming, so it made me happy to see them=) and i wasn't disappointed there was only two of them, cause i wasn't even expecting anyone in the first place. (i didn't tell anyone, and it was rather short notice when my mum asked)

so it was a happy day today! cause i had my loving family who celebrated my birthday in such a touching way, and cause i had my longtime friends who made my day! thanks for the cake and presents, my girls!

my brother's friends are cute, making us laugh in such a way we feel lighter at heart and younger again=)

oh, p.s! i have matching watches with my brother, though it is quite big for me, but my cute brother went to much effort to find out what would be more to my liking..

what would i do without my family and those darling girls? =)

i finally finished my lab report. kaoz. never before i forgo food to complete anything, let alone academic matters. i truly understand the meaning of "life sucks". haha

pia-ing lab report. damn. so many things clashed in a week. how to make it through? grr.

i have a sky-high sleep debt, dragging my feet to school every start of the week, but glad that at least on this wednesday i'm feeling cheerful. =)

got another beautiful present from my dear brother! his painstaking efforts to create such a conspiracy touched me. we've now got similar watches! mine white, his black! yay!! thanks di! now i must go imagine what to get him.. hmm seems i seldom shop for presents.. i should try to do better!

i'm becoming like garfield, hating mondays. i always get a serious bout of blues. heck, sometimes this blues start even on sunday night. haha

please don't say things if you didn't put your heart into it. just by listening, i can tell. and i'd rather you didn't offer, rather than offer half-heartedly.

sometimes i type something that makes you people think i'm having a bad day. but it's not always so, cause there's bound to be some parts of a lousy day that still makes me smile. hopefully, my bad days will continue to have a bit of joy in them, or else my life would really suck.

how do you deal with constantly feeling that your heart is too heavy to go on. there seems nothing much to look forward to, school zaps energy out of me. haha

only last night did i acknowledge something from so far back. i made a wrong turn, but i'm where i feel i should finally be.

i think friends are a person's appointed guardians for life. they worry when things happen, sense when things seem wrong, listen and counsel for all occasions, and are a stoic presence whenever needed. to all my friends, thanks! childish and primary schoolish as it may sound, i would love to be friends forever. =)

tmd. 10 days to first test, 11 days to second test. tmd. and i am in an unprecedented dont-wanna-celebrate-birthday-mood. tmd

a week's gone.. edging closer to tests, and i've one on my birthday, the one i have to get an A for. haha..

i'm sad that we used to be close, but now i don't know such a big thing happened.

i'm pensive cause i know you treasure me more than i treasure you. and yet sometimes i can be so unreasonable. i get upset over the wrong things, the insignificant trivial things, so i forget the important things, like how at the end of the day, you're still there for me.

i wish you strength to carry on. feel your pain, and it hurts me too. cause i don't know what to say, and i can't be there to offer you comfort. sorry for being such a lousy pal. take care my dear friend. be strong.

12 hours of school, of which 5 hours are breaks. and the worst thing is i didn't accomplish anything. a total waste of time.

learning to detach so as to learn to care less. but the downside is that prolonged detachment leads to nonchalance. and then i would not care anymore.

i shant care about my blogskin for the moment. irritated.

a grouch in the previous entry. sorry. just needed to get it out of my system. in a harmless way. haha=)

sometimes, i just wished i wasn't so logical. i would like to find somebody else to blame for the state i'm in, not always rationally, "maturely", reasonably acknowledge that i should share some blame for being in a shit hole.

i want to be unreasonable sometimes, when i get so tired. but i don't, and sometimes this irritates me. there are times when i want my own way, but i don't say a word. i wonder why i put up with this. maybe i don't see a point in arguing, in forcing things to go according to my wishes. [ but why don't i refrain from being unreasonable with my family? ]

i hate being so tired that i doze off on the train and some stranger has to wake me up.

努力努力再努力，但为什么好像总是不够好？

shit, suddenly i panic at the loss of time, and the little of it left. and the fact that my blogskin is against me.

changed a totally different skin? surprised? i was just tired of the butterflies. haha

slacking this entire weekend, kind of relaxed, but also starting to get the feeling that time will be going to pass so fast that i cant't catch up. 似乎有点儿不知死活, but who cares?

i love all the photos we took together, it reminds me of all the good times we shared, and the many more to come.
i love our goofy photos, i know i can be silly with you.
i love that you say what you mean, i know i can always do the same. (though ya, i still don't sometimes)
i love the comfortable feeling we share, i want to create special indelible memories together.
i love being with you, cause simply, you have become a part of my life i don't want to ever live without.

spoken or unspoken, i know you feel the same way too.

not 10 sentences, but i'm guessing this will suffice.=p

每一次返校难免感慨，感叹人事已非，感叹那熟悉的亲切似乎不再。但不知为了什么，听到任何母校的新闻，还是会关切，偶尔也还是会想回去看一看。无法解释的一种心情。圣中将永远牵引着我的心，或许这就是所谓的根。

在虚幻无常的世界里，希望自己至少能坚持的爱一个人。心无其他，一心一意，不怀疑，不动摇，就简简单单的爱一场。

today has got to be the worst day of this week, in fact it could be the worst day of this semester.

had a great misunderstanding with sharon today. i thought she was upset over not eating lunch together yesterday, so i didn't dare sms her to ask if she was with her classmates for anthro, since she was with them during the afternoon lecture. and then freddie didn't see the message sharon sent, so we ended up sitting apart. now i am extremely down, cause i didn't know we made her feel unappreciated. we didn't mean it, but perhaps this explanation doesn't suffice yet i hope things get cleared up and we get back on talking terms. i don't want to lose another friend. sorry sharon!

another reason this week sucks-i'm utterly broke.

had a good long talk with gen tonight, and sort of realised that we cant be girls who think about their own fun anymore. to be more accurate, we have realised it all along, especially since entering university, but speaking about it just causes us to face up to the stark reality.

in a few years, we'll all graduate. this is perhaps the last of our years in a less complicated environment, perhaps the last few years of opportunities to have fun. we will soon have to shoulder some responsibility of taking care of a family, the one we grew up in, as well as start one of our own.

so we begin to worry before our time, about the qualities the right guy should have. we are realistic, dont want no 5 Cs, we just want a drive to succeed, stability and lots of love. i believe we can both find him. ahaha =)

nice talking to you girl, hugs!

i wonder sometimes why do i bother trying the tutorials, when in the end, half i don't know how to do, half i guess at what i'm doing.

grr. feel my heart sinking, fast.

meeting gen tomorrow! =)

some of the stuff we ate last night: a brownie with ice cream, lasagne with lots of pretty veg, creme brulee, seafood baked rice, and a tiramisu that we ate halfway before remembering to take a pic =)

曾经不习惯对一个人敞开心房，不习惯在任何人面前卸下那防卫作用的坚强。

但这一切慢慢改变了，在你面前，我变得脆弱，也无法继续防卫。对你的在乎，已远远超乎我自己所能想象或控制的范围了。在你面前落泪，在你怀里依偎，都是因为我不想把我的心封闭起来。

不需假装，是你的爱带给我的最佳自由。千百万个理由当中，要我选一个爱你的理由，我会说我爱你因为这感觉像是世界上最自然不过的感觉。

no where else i'd rather be, when i already have you by my side.

upon a request, i unexpectedly stumbled upon something. i didn't get to finish it, and now i've lost the chance to give it to you. it languishes in my drawer, and i have no reason to complete it.

it is a reminder of the untied ends of a relationship that didn't work out. it wasn't a happily-ever-after, but i don't regret. i'm just sorry that i couldn't treat you more as a friend.

it's coming to a year now since we last talked, i hope you continue to take care of yourself, and find a better girl more deserving of your love and devotion.

i love all the photos we took together, it reminds me of all the good times we shared.
i love our goofy photos, i know i can be silly with you.
i love hugging you, cause you fill the hollow in my heart.
i love kissing you, you warm my heart like no one else can.
i love that you say what you mean, i can always do the same.
i love that you kiss my forehead when i cry, i feel your love.
i love holding your hand, i feel safe.
i love you resting your hand on my thigh, we feel so comfortable together.
i love the comfortable feeling we share, i want to always be with you.
i love looking at your face, sleeping or awake, i am reminded of how much you love me. and how much we hope to spend our lives together.
i love being with you, cause simply, i love you.

a simple 3 words, but encompassing so much more. spoken or unspoken, i know you feel the same way too. darling, i'll hold you close. i will always try to be honest and open with you. cause i want you to do the same too. muacks

went to a cha can ting that tingyan's dad opened, at geylang lor 42, and had pork chop baked rice. =) the desserts are nice!! and we went to eat rochor tao huay, which was super smooth! hong wanted to try fermented beancurd, so we went to buy one, but oh god, it really stinks! haha hong,yinjie and leen took about two bites each and gave up. and keep complaining that they think they smell. lol=p

yesterday was fun! we're going to visit changi village during the mid-sem break, and try to find bapoks. haha we had fun last night screeching in the car, trying to find prostitutes haggling prices with dirty men. saw nothing much, but quite excited. what the hell right? girls looking for prostitutes. haha =p

too bad we didnt have a chance to do some post-supper thing, like karaoke. nevermind, the next time then! hope weeinn gets well soon, and the next time we can have higher attendance! =)

bought makansutra, shall go in search of good food!

greece, barcelona, dubai, vienna, rome, okinawa..

i bought fan wei qi cd!! i think i haven't bought a cd in ages.. haha ancient.

there are things i wished i could say, but i cant. due to circumstances or due to my heart wanting to keep up a strong appearance. yet.. nevermind..

watched the break up. it made my cry, cause i felt brooke's agony at trying. but cry le like so silly. haha =p

there are some times i just feel like shutting myself away from the outside world, cutting off contact. lazy to talk, lazy to explain sometimes.

nights. =)

the longest day in the week, 12 hours from 830 to 830. and about 13 more weeks to go.

i know i have a horrible attitude. and that it makes people stay away. but then i somehow insist on having such an attitude problem, and when it drives people away, i get even more irritated and annoyed.

i am perverse. wahaha

snapping at people in an unreasonable fit of agitation. cant help it. sorry.

school is really disgusting, tutorials starting next week, together with horrible lab. haha but i shall try to be upbeat. somehow. dunno how.

met gen yesterday, happy! this darling friend gave me my first birthday present this year. so fast! thanks girl!=D i love you, muacks!

somehow i remember only fuzzy details of the beginning, and somehow i also feel 奇妙sometimes. but present happiness is more important, isn't it? =)

a small breather tomorrow, Thank God It's Friday. but nevertheless i'm going to school. tired,but i guess at least it isn't for too long.

hope every friday i get some time to myself to catch up on tutorials or just some private space. i do treasure my private time a lot. cause it's so scarce lately.

我不想无理取闹，但有时觉得其实你才是那个无理取闹的人。你的任性，弄得我好累。无法给你我24小时的时间，但为了不想吵架，我唯有默默忍受。不出声就不会吵架。

偶尔觉得我被你吞噬了。

i scoff at articles and language that hint of propaganda. i won't bother to fly the flag, nor sit down in front of the tv to watch the parade, much less go to the national stadium.

but when i recite the pledge or sing the song, i am proud of this country, for it has prospered well, and given me much of what i have today. i am proud to be a singaporean.

haha you may think i'm mad, but this is what i felt, when i heard the words 'this is my country, this is my flag, this is my future, this is my life. this is my family, these are my friends, we are singapore,singaporeans'. HAPPY 41st!

words fail me. sometimes i wonder if small things are already so irksome, how to withstand big issues?

bad start to a school year. i cant seem to sit in my chair for 2-3 hours, paying serious attention. grr.

i'm suddenly feeling stifled. when it's only the first day. i keep having this urge to push forward and stop being so flustered. creeping fear.

muggerific. to borrow from audrey. haha that's what i shall try to be.

School is starting tomorrow!! Somehow i have this uneasy feeling about this semester. Just feels like it ain't going to be easy, and this semester i just want so bad to get a GPA of above 4. I have plans to lead a healthier lifestyle, and be more caring towards my family. haha hopefully i can do it.

pensive lately, reflecting on times past. and there was a little part of me that longed to go back to those days, when things seemed simpler, when i felt happier, when my world was still full of things for me to look forward to.

but i guess i can only treasure what i had, what i have, and continue to look ahead.

excited about the 18th of aug! we're going to geylang to eat at tingyan's dad's cafe, and then perhaps go eat the other good food in geylang. haha yay!! so happy! something to look forward to, like little children going on field trip! =D

i'm hungry. pizza hut cheat money, but they failed! hahaha

i realised my blog has existed for more than 2 years. a little amazed. and looking back on the past year, i ended a relationship, entered university. just some of the events that happened. and everyday i change a little unknowingly. and i'll continue to change. hopefully all that i treasure now will still be with me in the future.

i dislike people who flaunt that they are in love, oh they would let you know, they are very much so. yucks. i only want to see my friends happily in love. and if you are a close friend, i'll share your joy. if you're not, i don't care really. and when you're imagining that someone is out to steal your boyfriend, haha please don't be so deluded can?

even worse, people who are desperate to find a guy/girl. i just find them pathetic. and of course irritating. why makes you think i'm interested in your complaints about lack of good looking people? grr. don't get on my nerves. stay off. there are people who are happily single, please learn to emulate them. so that you won't look so needy.

thank you. haha i am just pissed. don't imagine i shooting anybody.

i've not been at home earlier than 1030 this entire week. and yes i know i'm guilty of not spending enough time at home with my brother and my parents. cause i'm weak to change anything, i am glad that school is starting, so circumstances will help improve the situation.

girls meeting tomorrow, it's been a while, and it's going to be a long while till we meet again.

i'm tired. i feel i've not slept enough this holidays, and that is so unforgivable.

the words i say to my friends when they talk to me about their relationships are words i need them to say to me when i go to them with relationship problems.

cause sometimes one forgets these simple words, or maybe cause we just want someone to say out loud our inner thoughts. or just maybe we need reassurance.

sometimes the best method to keep faith is not to look so far ahead. make plans, by all means, but more importantly, once you set your heart on loving that special him, don't second-guess yourself.

finally went to visit ahma.. happy! but for the first time i made you angry. sorry

i pulled down an entire rack of clothes today, why didn't i act cool? instead i paisae and the person am chio. grr. paisae lehz!

you didnt answer my question, but i guess only time can give me the answer. so well, we'll see.. =) all the while hoping that the answer is a yes..

my msn messenger is down for some unfathomable reason and it's pissing me. haha it's back to normal!!

and every time we touch
i get this feeling
and every time we kiss
i swear i could fly
can't you feel my heart beat fast
i want this to last
need you by my side

try as i did, i cant seem to remember how my relationships started, the first instant i realised i felt attracted to him. maybe i should try harder the next time round, if there is a next time. i want to remember that moment so that i have a reference point to look back on, and measure the amount of difference in all the time passed.

yesterday i imagined what if i was hospitalised, would there be a guy who would keep vigil by my side? and i suddenly remember again the important things i have forgotten.. the constants who have all along been in my life. i don't show them enough that i love them, that they are important to me, that i want to thank them for all the things they have done for me in all these 20 years.

i am getting more emotional as i inch closer to my 20th. haha

this holidays is coming to an end, and i'm truthfully glad of it. i know too well that i've squandered this holidays, without really committing to anything except having fun. 3 months of my life is thus wasted, and the feeling that i could have done better gnaws away at my heart.

next year i shall strive not to be a lazy ass anymore. the feeling of worthlessness reeks.

had coca steamboat for lunch today, and we ate lots of balls, shrimp, cuttlefish, fish, beef. plus veggies and dumplings, wantons, fish and beef fillet. the place is nice and the food ain't bad, exc for the beef. yeeew. and we went borders to buy books. haha =p

amazed that you indulged me.

Hey people, please check out http://silverdelico.blogspot.com for accessories!! =D

Please help to spread the word! Thanks

the irony is that the very things she said to me, i've worried about them before too. i've regretted not working, perhaps spending too much.. worried about whether am i doing the right thing, most of all, saddened by the distance between me and them.

and she said everything out like i was really indifferent and unsensitive to these issues.

she said i changed, maybe. but how could i not? when i'm constantly being pulled apart.

my heart aches, feel hurt. her words, oozing with worry, but every sentence a mock at my sensibility. am i really such a fool?

i wished to say things in my defence, but i am weak and tired. and i know that actions are more important whereas words ring hollow.

a night to sleep early.

not agitated anymore. haha

how can it be that you are with the person but you dont really see him, dont really talk to him? as if the two of you just sat there in each other's existence without really paying attention to each other?

it isn't as sad as it sounds la, but i guess it'll feel a bit weird a bit empty. is this what happens to couples who have been distanced by circumstances?

i don't need to sleep more, but i do, cause i sleep late. if i sleep early, i guess 8 hours is enough. and i won't keep feeling so damn tired.

kinda pissed with blogger, either it's against me, or i'm being ostracised. either way i am getting pissed at uploading that takes ages. and the editing. pissed.

agitated cause i got to sweep the floor, and sometimes that yields no appreciation. cause i want to grumble but people think i'm being unreasonable. grr.

oh well, i plough on.

very busy this week. meeting lots of people, trying to get things done.

meeting gen later, hopefully evan is ok to meet sandra and i tomorrow.. qiuling maybe on fri. haha and school will then be a one week countdown away. GROANs*

to see friends happily in love, happily single, or big time confused, i think we've really all grown up quite a bit.

no longer the silly morons frolicking in the old block, no longer the girls staying back in the classroom during recess to talk.. we've all changed, appearance and thinking wise. but i'm glad one fact remains the same, we're still steadfast friends, who are and will always be there in times of need. little contact, few meetings, it still doesnt change anything.

to have you witness my past present and future, i think i am really fortunate. thanks my girls! =) i love you!

weeinn's back from hk! so the girls we should meet soon ya?=)

met evan today and crapped for 7 hours. but i feel tired out in public, as if i'm not used to the lights and sounds of a noisy crowd. getting old..haha

all that i say to evan i am not going to repeat here. haha between me and her. =p

i miss you. 我想你。

me on the electric tram!tut tut tut
inside the peak tram! too bad cant capture with a nice view behind!
the electric tram!
levis logo.. haha boliao shot..
windy and rainy and misty on the peak!

unexpected day of work, boring more than tiring. bleah. and i smell of otah.

school is starting in 2 week's time? so unprepared.. but soon i am going to meet up with all my girls at least one more time before we all get separated by a semester of mugging. haha

i wish all darling friends who are in love stay happily ever after. haha i don't want to be love counsellor-too frightening. =p

and ql dont shoot me la. haha

the view of the ground below the hotel
the aerial view from the hotel
posing with the peak tram
the peak! proof that i've been there, even though the weather sucked and i couldnt take any nice pics
the peak tramways plague=)

after this trip, i learnt that to live life with another person is really not easy. differences of opinions can arise, and some unintentional words hurt. and now i feel grown up, a little more worldly, a bit wiser too.

to have enjoyed this trip on our own, and to have taken good care of ourselves and each other, i feel a step closer to being an adult. but i guess my dad must be feeling weird, as though i'm already too grown-up to be his little girl anymore.

i can only prove to my family that i'm always their girl and sis. =)

avenue of stars- this thing is supposed to be a camera=p
harbour city, windy and tad drizzling
me in a dress!! haha


cathay pacific flight CX 714 departing on 15 july!!

HI!!! i'm back from hongkong!!! i know i promised photos, lots of them! but you'll have to forgive me, i did quite alot of shopping and basically didnt do enough sightseeing.. haha and give me some time to upload them ok?

i bought a lot of things! jeans, skirt, dresses(OMG!! ) and loads of tops!! bought CDs, bags, stuff for my brother, and first time i spent so much at DFS!!!

well, basically the mongkok-jordan-tsim sha tsui area is the best for shopping, i bought things almost anywhere along the streets. now that the sale is on, it's really quite easy to get good tops for cheap prices=) i recommend granville road, nathan road, nu ren jie. streets seem to yield more stuff for me than shopping centres. check out factory outlets too! i got a nice bag at esprit for a very good price!

for food, you could just duck into any cha can ting, or any stalls that appeal. the food is good but have to be careful of some places that cheat money..

basically in hongkong the main mode of travelling is by MTR and walking, so it's advisable to get the octopus card ( which is similar to our ezlink). these 5 days i really walk till legs break. but the location of ymca salisbury is quite good, can get to good shopping areas just by walking. kinda useful for last day last minute shopping. haha

i will try to post photos soon! disappointed though that it rained when i went to the peak.. oh well, another time! =D

Blogging at the airport!! there's nothing to buy at DFS!!! so utterly disappointing!! flight's at 1105!! haha

the exclamation marks denote my state of ecstacy lol=p take care people!

flying off to HONGKONG in less than 24 hours!! so exciting!!! how to sleep tonight?!!! wahaha i'm going to miss all of you!! miss me too ok!!! aiming to sleep early tonight, cause i will need time to fall asleep in such a state of excitement..

haha and i haven't packed my luggage. worried about my money, transport and safety.. a first trip alone!! without adult supervision! though technically i should be considered an adult.. haha no more orders will be accepted, and i will try my best to bring back the stuff you gals want=D

muacks! lalalala YAY!~!!=)

i cant help but feel like something important is hinging on the success of this trip.. hope everything will be fun!

PSP is sold!!

wa hu lian gan xiung simi ma mai zo, eh sai bo?

something seems to have changed overnight. i cant pinpoint what. but my heart feels heavy, and suddenly unsure.

went back to school to get my camera from mindan, forgot how far the journey was. tired.

perhaps it's cause of the blood, but my enthusiasm for the trip is ebbing.

a down tone for this entry, dont worry, i'll bounce back tomorrow. though i have to reach orchard at 12nn.

the PSP and FIFA game is selling for $350!!! anyone interested?

watched italy kick a perfect penalty shootout at the national library plaza, and walked away with a PSP and a FIFA PSP game.. any takers? i try give discount!! haha

yay!! italy won, rightly deserved, for now i despise zidane.

tata zzzz

the skies suddenly cleared, and i'm happy again. =)

thanks my dears for your concern! hugs*

italy vs france, my ma is buying both sides. haha

i should have stayed in my bed, slept till dawn and perhaps nothing would have happened.

and to top it off, i didnt get travel insurance and my mom's angry.

i cant defend myself for i know i'm wrong. for not discussing my situation with you, for not putting you first. but if i cancel now, i would look so weak.

i dont see an amicable solution.

feeling a bit sad, not for myself though... i'm here, as you know i am.. hugs my dear=)

eh shit la. i lost money! germany won 3-1! buy 3 goals also lose.. haha what can i say? betting needs luck la.. and sometimes gut instinct too..

italy plays france tomorrow, should i bet? haha

my recent entries sad mehz? how come i didnt realise?

nights ppl.. =)

please let germany win 2-1 or 2-0 would be fine. haha i want money!!

yay!! a week left! but i havent packed any thing, and i havent planned the itinerary properly. and i just bought new lingerie. hahaha madness =p

b-o-r-e-d. how to tahan till 3am to watch kickoff of 3rd/4th placing?

i realise there's a part of me that doesn't want to be feminine, or rather if i'm becoming feminine i will feel i'm losing individualism to commercialism. haha abit drama i realise.

i am fortunate to be loved by good people. and i'll strive to be more worthy of their love. nightz people!=) 7 more days! tell me what you want, and maybe some money too! hahaha HUGS*=D

widening gulf. or is it hormonal changes? either way, i feel terribly terrible.

i am grouchy yet again. havent accomplished much that i wanted, much as i wanted to.

and the worst thing, i cant blog about it! roar! nevermind, i shall go find ql talk...

when your words are just words, and mine dont seem to be important, there's two words i want to say. but it so much easier to say than to really do it.

how come we only remember the times someone didnt try, but forgot those times he/she did?

and a good question would be the one you asked, what would happen if i get tired?

forget it..

soup of the day- evan's going to be jealous! hahaha=p

met ql today after soooooooooooo long. so comfortable talking to her, cause we share the same feelings and viewpoints. cause we understand each other. too bad we didn't take any photos. i came home too late to charge camera.

italy must win. my money's on the line! haha 3am match lehz! i suicidal to forgo my sleep.. =p

i said i want my personal time. to me that means simple things. sleeping early, being able to say good night to my family. sitting in front of the tv or computer, doing nothing. i dont know what other examples i can cite, but it's just a feeling.

accepted and accomodated. accepting and accomodating. tired. tiring. hung on, gave up. hanging on.

not sad in the deepest darkest corners of my heart. just feel like i could sleep an eternity, my heart is so tired sometimes.

muacks. nights all=)

but watching out for the entire night is tiring. and i'm a pig. haha =p

yesterday was the first time i watched two matches out in public!! and it was unpredictable! portugal in, england out. brazil out, france in!! and evan was so mad at the brazillians for gei kiang-ing, and imagining they are pro. but the england penalty takers haiz, cannot make it. had two glasses beer, but surprisingly i didn't get drunk. haha.. and i bought breakfast for my mum at 85!! =) it's nice watching world cup together with a whole bunch of people cheering and groaning simultaneously... thanks evan! for your company and safe driving. haha

mum's back to normal, which i hope is a good sign. and i breathe easy again.

i'm always going out when i'm not working, which makes me feel i dont spend enough time with my family. and then when i want to ask permission to go out late or go somewhere, i feel guilty and hence cant ask the question bravely, properly. but i get it when they disapprove or nag, cause if i put myself in their shoes, they just want me to rest more at home, sleep earlier, do something more useful than just going out and spend money.

i don't want to feel that i've let myself down, or neglected some people when i've reached the end of my holidays. i thought holidays should be a time to spend with my loved ones, and be more attentive to them. i want to show my love and concern with actions, not just words. i want to be able to provide comfort or company to friends and family!

i want to be a better person.

i think i've idealised love too much. made it too beautiful in my imagination that reality becomes a far cry from it. i should stop dreaming. haha

i'm scared. for i suddenly realised last night, our own vulnerability. i have to learn to take care of myself, for one day, roles will be reversed, and i would have to be the one taking care of them.

and yet now, we aren't communicating enough, i'm just out too much too often. how is it that i place them as my utmost no. 1 priority, but feel the guiltiest towards them? the sense of not trying to do more, knowing that i haven't done enough, is tugging at my heart. i don't want to have to lose to treasure. nor live with regrets.

on a happier note, air con's fixed! and the month of july is coming! which means 15 more days till i fly!!! =)

but i really hope mum's ok.. so worrying to see the one strong woman i know weak.

oh no! i fat! zap zap!

she's been quiet the whole night, and with her taking medicine that her obstetrician issued, i worry.

and sometimes i wonder, what makes you love me so.

sometimes i wish i was more independent. then i would not have to rely on people to decide whether i am happy or sad. or maybe if i am more independent, then whatever modules i choose would be due to my own preferences, not cause i am afraid to be alone. haiz.

i've never liked the feeling of dependence.

9 minutes countdown to CBE subject registration! haha by the time i finish typing this entry, i think it's time. =p

and suddenly i realise i am going to a class where i know very little people or even no one. bit saddened. but it's just for one semester. perhaps this arrangement will allow me to study harder. or make me feel lonely in a bumbling crowd of students in this huge campus.

july is coming! and then i'll be flying on the 15th! yay!!

the aircon's still down, and what with the notorious humid mid-year singaporean weather, the urge to cut my hair intensifies everyday. curse and swear when my hair sticks to my already sticky neck. grrrrrrrr.

i shall go STARS liao, kiasu abit. haha

i was thinking in the bath today, as usual. and i wondered do i change a lot when i am in a relationship? well the obvious would probably be that i spend more time with my friends when i'm not attached. but then i think i become more lackadaisical, short concentration span, easily irritated?

no wonder my parents will worry if they get news that i'm attached. of course, they will firstly worry about my studies, which no matter what will still get affected. but i think they also worry that when i'm in a relationship my focus and point of view gets blurred, and i end up putting my effort and concentration on the wrong thing, or even the wrong guy.

so i guess, a guy who loves me has just gotta love my parents. no fight. end of the day, my parents are still the ones i rely on the most.

wah! why did i blog such an entry? haha i'm waiting to meet evan later!! woohoo!=) take care ql!! cya soon when you're well! =)

有点受伤，岂非我要求太多？
把你推开，是种自然反应。

one of the things i sometimes tire of in my life is having to separate one part of my life from another. things i can blog about with things i cant blog about. groups of people from individuals. or whatever.wish it could change. then i wouldnt constantly feel the tension threatening to break me. hmm

but having to force people to mingle is not respecting their personal choice, and i dont want to do that. so i continue this way..

thanks evan! =D muacks!hugs!!

i hate sleeping without air con. and yet there must be some moron who switched on the stereo extremely loud this morning. i dont want to make small talk on this morning, yet there is going to be company for lunch. no notice again, why aint i surprised?

foul mood. want to go out for a breather. but there's no one to ask out. and i suddenly recall a guy who took a cab to tampines just to accompany me.

foul mood. foul mood. foul mood.

i like photos of 背影 , must be because of ''over time''. capturing a side of us that cant be pretended.

hong says i'm mad.. haha and yes i know i am. dao bi la. how come like that? hahaha =p

oh no! just one day at home and i thought tomorrow is sat! i must be going mad! haha tomorrow's fri people!! wahaha

oh ya, lately i feelng optimistic about love. wonder why...

let things happen naturally ba.. jiayou my dear babe! =)

i'm smiling everyday..i dunno how to describe the feeling, like seeing a rainbow on a beautiful day. a nice feeling that stays for a long while, and makes me believe everything's possible.

as suddenly as i started working, it seems i am going to stop working suddenly too. everything is up to her, and she chooses not to consult me before making a decision, and assumes i would comply. but it seems i cant do what she did, to cancel the airport job made her mad, for reasons i cant understand. at least there was peace at dinner time, though i was rather on tenterhooks.

meeting the girls on saturday for kbox, time unknown. meeting ql next week most probably wed or fri. registering subjects on thurs!! and i suddenly realise saturday is tomorrow! omg! when one is working, time flies! though the hours crawl. haha

i have to be reminded to get things done. settle my roam, pack luggage, HK i'm coming!! hotel and flight's booked! so exciting!!! pre pre pre wahaha!!

imagining imagining.. but good stuff this time.. haha so happy to finally be able to go HK! whahaha

i got my green light for hk!! yay!!!=D

and i damn hate working on short notice.

tempted change skin again. dont really like the butterfly now.

hmm i realise my life now very simple. for the past weeks like only revolve around two groups of people. haha

even though she n i have grown apart, i remember the time when we were close. the time when she touched me by visiting me at my house during my recuperation period. and when she msn-ed me just now with an affectionate greeting, i remember her sincerity and beautiful friendship. a regret we lost that closeness, but i keep the memories in my heart.

air con is spoilt. how to sleep? and the world is not blogging. roar!

shopping mood! want bags and new clothes! GSS yay!

oh ya better clarify that the one getting attached is not me. haha today is a boring day!

bought a bag today, and because i returned to the shop to buy after browsing, the sales manager keep calling me dear and darling. haha made me think a funny thought- that even my boyfriend also not so affectionate. lame =p

dunno when i said something like my bf will be the no. 3 guy in my life right? then suddenly i think my bf, whoever the person will be, is very pitiable. cause he must always put up with my emotional over-sensitivity, then he must sacrifice to let me spend time with my friends and family. sometimes must even sacrifice to let me sleep eat and watch tv.and he must somehow try to make me believe in love. haha the last requirement is the hardest.

but i quite good gf what? right? haha zi por. wuliao.

hmm i need to tackle something tmr, wish me luck. haha =)

ps. haha someone is joining the attached club. hor? =p